i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
