We're facebook friends in real life
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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