so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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