The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
