so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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