Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
last night I used snow as a chaser
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
