he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize