I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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