So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
