My room smells like vodka and shame
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
