I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
