I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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