I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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