How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
