Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
