my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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