How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
