Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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