I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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