You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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