i may or may not be watching the land before time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
