she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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