What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
