i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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