something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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