we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
