so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
