All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
