Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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