hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
