Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize