just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
