Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
