do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
