i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
