I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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