So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
