Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
