I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
