So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
