i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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