that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
