he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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