hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize