I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
