it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
