garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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