when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
