he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize