oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
