Welp...herpes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
