Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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