guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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