Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
