some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
