I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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