I just threw up on my dentist
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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