Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
