as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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