HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
