hotel room ftw
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
