I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
