I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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