So drunk its hurt
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
