So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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