Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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