I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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