Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
