Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
