I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
