margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
