My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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