Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
