Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
ok first of all what the fuck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
