Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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