I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
