I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
