why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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