So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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