I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize