Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize