I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
