i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
