Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize