things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
