Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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